My thoughtsūüėģ

So I stay up all night,

Trying to arrange my thoughts.

I labeled jars and put my thoughts in them.

Then I closed the lid and broke the jars.

I watched as they flew across the room,

Slamming everything in their way.

They swam through the air,

And my thoughts were everywhere.

I heard noises across the room,

People heating up in flames, blood gushing out of veins.

Tears, the most vulnerable of them all,

It felt like the end of the world.

Then it struck me what my thoughts had done.

I only wanted them to be free and to breath.

Guess I should have thrown them in fire,

But even it’s warmth will be felt.

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Rhymes

Vibes that don’t die

With messages on every line

That ends with an obvious chime

But overtime we run out of words

So we begin a particular one

And try as best as we can to make it work

So here we are again

With words with little gain

Making sense is what we aim

Doing it is such a pain

For soon I will become lost

And my hard work is all gone

But I am happy its done

Becaue what we forget to see

Is how wrong the grammar has been

 

 

 

Guards

The emptiness that drives my heart has been misplaced by the thought of you.

Full of life and passion that I never give back to you. 

You try to occupy the distance that keeps me in place. I create new gaps that makes you stay away. 

The idea rids me of strength and overwhelms me with emotions I can’t simply bear. 

Don’t come any close. You have done enough. Let me take the next step.

Let me quietly climb the walls overnight. 

Healing

If I build walls. Know that it has nothing to do with you but everything with the ones before you. I am strong now because of their mistakes and mine. I am healing and on a journey to myself. I will be unbothered by your gestures. You will fail me times and times again. Hopefully you dont give up on me. Time will come when the walls will break, and all you’ll see is the garden behind it. All this time waiting for you.

Wanderer 

I left my home looking for a sanctuary. I wandered and stepped on a precious stone. The walls behind me grew taller and it seemed impossible to see what I left. The stone took me  farther away and into a deserted place. I built a hut, fetched water and grew plants. Some days I placed the stone on my hand and say a prayer. It seemed quiet but I wasn’t alone. I felt the sun in the morning and the cold breeze late at night. I spoke 20 different languages I could only understand. I made strange friends and ate leaves for breakfast. I was living my life and I wasn’t bothered.

One night it was terribly cold and I made fire from wood and matches. Soon after, I fell asleep close to the warmth of the fire. Little did I know that my Hut was in flames. The ashes covered my face and blocked my airway. I woke up with a cough and the sight of my burning home left me in tears. There was nothing I could do I ran as far away as I could leaving all I owned including the precious stone. 

things I go through 

A minute of your silence. Just an absence of your presence I resolve into the unexpected and unnecessary. I make assumptions and write stories. I suddenly start to question myself. Is it you ?or is it me?. Did I make a fool or myself? or did I imprint a memory in your head?. 

Do you need some space?.did I go too fast?. I’m just running around with my heart looking for the next stranger to hand it over to. I make these rules and bend them everytime. So that I can dream and be comfortable. I am constantly thinking of the irrelevance. I am too scared to think about what really matters. I expect too much and appreciate too little. Not everybody can be like me.  

Sad stuff

I remember when you sent this to me. It was after a fight. I remember I was so excited that you wrote so well (one of the things I didn’t know about you). I didn’t pay attention to the words and what it meant. I understand now, now that we’re not together. You knew who you were and I was only trying to know who I was. I chose to ignore you. Oh what good times we had. Good luck.

SMH

‘Take your time’you said. As you selfishly rob me of mine. 

You remind me of someone. Something in the way you look at me.

 I envy your wisdom. It’s like you’re aware that I am conscious, yet you choose to ignore me.

 What’s sad about us is how we keep digging to find what’s left of us. Something to remind you that I am. 

I don’t want to build castles in the air with you even though I want it to be true.

When will I ever learn??

Beyond the stars 

Never fall in love with the stars. They shine bright at night but they disappear during the day. They are too many and too scattered to differentiate. Just like the men we put our trust in. We lick their foot and lay the bed under them. We lift them above our heads. We sacrifice our bodies to please them. We not only admire them. We dream about them. At night, we gaze into sky and hold their hands and they tell us that we are and can be stars. They lift our spirits by lifting their human. We can be anything we want with them by our side. 

We don’t need your star or the stars in the sky.  We don’t need your eyes or your mind. We don’t want you to tell us who we are and who we can be. We are beyond the stars. We are not that close. We can dream and we can survive. We can do both and both without you. We are beyond the stars 

You think? 

You know what I think? 

I think that you are just scared. You’re terrified that someone like me can be with you. 

You are right.

I mean I have been consumed by my idea of you. I don’t know who you really are. 

Or so I thought. 

You think you don’t deserve happiness and loyalty. You don’t understand forgiveness. You don’t understand love. 

You are human and you deserve everything human. Both good and bad. 

I’m so awesome¬†

I’m not angry anymore. The minute my fingers began to type on the keyboard I felt better. Putting my feelings in words and sharing with whoever was on the other side. Knowing that people read it meant a lot to me. 

I’m still learning to deal with life and so is my 96yr old granddad. We complicate matters just by thinking about it and we believe what we think is possible not what it actually is.

As I journey through self realization and self love I have been saying the word ‘NO’ a lot. Bothered by how it made the other person feel and why I said no. It did make me feel better. I could worry about myself more and be so narcissistic.😎.

I may not say the right things or do the right things or be the right person but I am definitely awesome and I love who and what I am. 

Forever

Without a knife to your heart, you promised me a lifetime of your presence.

Your never ending affection towards me. You smiled as though you meant every word of it. 

I couldn’t tell the truth because your eyes are deceitful. I smirked a little and my heart skipped a  beat. 

We broke into laughter triggered by how ridiculous it sounded and stole a kiss. 

A year gone and another to come, it feels like we stopped time and did not take a step forward.

I am still in your gaze and the wind continues to blow in my face. Yet, my eyes wide open like in the dead of the night.

I pretended not to know that you were no longer in front of me.