My thoughtsūüėģ

So I stay up all night,

Trying to arrange my thoughts.

I labeled jars and put my thoughts in them.

Then I closed the lid and broke the jars.

I watched as they flew across the room,

Slamming everything in their way.

They swam through the air,

And my thoughts were everywhere.

I heard noises across the room,

People heating up in flames, blood gushing out of veins.

Tears, the most vulnerable of them all,

It felt like the end of the world.

Then it struck me what my thoughts had done.

I only wanted them to be free and to breath.

Guess I should have thrown them in fire,

But even it’s warmth will be felt.

Advertisements

Rhymes

Vibes that don’t die

With messages on every line

That ends with an obvious chime

But overtime we run out of words

So we begin a particular one

And try as best as we can to make it work

So here we are again

With words with little gain

Making sense is what we aim

Doing it is such a pain

For soon I will become lost

And my hard work is all gone

But I am happy its done

Becaue what we forget to see

Is how wrong the grammar has been

 

 

 

SMH

‘Take your time’you said. As you selfishly rob me of mine. 

You remind me of someone. Something in the way you look at me.

 I envy your wisdom. It’s like you’re aware that I am conscious, yet you choose to ignore me.

 What’s sad about us is how we keep digging to find what’s left of us. Something to remind you that I am. 

I don’t want to build castles in the air with you even though I want it to be true.

When will I ever learn??

Beyond the stars 

Never fall in love with the stars. They shine bright at night but they disappear during the day. They are too many and too scattered to differentiate. Just like the men we put our trust in. We lick their foot and lay the bed under them. We lift them above our heads. We sacrifice our bodies to please them. We not only admire them. We dream about them. At night, we gaze into sky and hold their hands and they tell us that we are and can be stars. They lift our spirits by lifting their human. We can be anything we want with them by our side. 

We don’t need your star or the stars in the sky.  We don’t need your eyes or your mind. We don’t want you to tell us who we are and who we can be. We are beyond the stars. We are not that close. We can dream and we can survive. We can do both and both without you. We are beyond the stars 

You think? 

You know what I think? 

I think that you are just scared. You’re terrified that someone like me can be with you. 

You are right.

I mean I have been consumed by my idea of you. I don’t know who you really are. 

Or so I thought. 

You think you don’t deserve happiness and loyalty. You don’t understand forgiveness. You don’t understand love. 

You are human and you deserve everything human. Both good and bad. 

I’m so awesome¬†

I’m not angry anymore. The minute my fingers began to type on the keyboard I felt better. Putting my feelings in words and sharing with whoever was on the other side. Knowing that people read it meant a lot to me. 

I’m still learning to deal with life and so is my 96yr old granddad. We complicate matters just by thinking about it and we believe what we think is possible not what it actually is.

As I journey through self realization and self love I have been saying the word ‘NO’ a lot. Bothered by how it made the other person feel and why I said no. It did make me feel better. I could worry about myself more and be so narcissistic.😎.

I may not say the right things or do the right things or be the right person but I am definitely awesome and I love who and what I am. 

Forever

Without a knife to your heart, you promised me a lifetime of your presence.

Your never ending affection towards me. You smiled as though you meant every word of it. 

I couldn’t tell the truth because your eyes are deceitful. I smirked a little and my heart skipped a  beat. 

We broke into laughter triggered by how ridiculous it sounded and stole a kiss. 

A year gone and another to come, it feels like we stopped time and did not take a step forward.

I am still in your gaze and the wind continues to blow in my face. Yet, my eyes wide open like in the dead of the night.

I pretended not to know that you were no longer in front of me. 

Grill 

Why do I love like this? 

Too deep to carry a pinch of salt. You taste so bitter and my sweat on your lips are sour. 

I haven’t found a way out yet.

Do you love like this? 

The way you gracefully expel the air from your lungs when you are restful. I turn and growl in my pain and you can only say hello. 

Your smile torments my being and I would love to pull the eyes from your head.

Can you even see me? 

I am your soul and without me, you last hope. 

Sh*t

Been looking for an escape place all these years. Away from wherever I am temporarily. I knew that my home whenever Im at school was my escape place. What about a place away from home that I can rest my head and sleep. Where I wake up to peace and quiet. Be of sound mind is what my boyfriend told me. And that just pisses the hell out of me. 

I can’t have everything but I deserve respect at least and I don’t get that. Nobody ever gives me that. I am filled with hurt because my wishes are always ignored by everyone around me. I never meant to cause any pain. Oh you’re so positive Bukunmi! I only dream of my joy. I am not gullible, I just believe in the possibility of sincerity. 

I’ll be okay. 

Sh*t

Been looking for an escape place all these years. Away from wherever I am temporarily. I knew that my home whenever Im at school was my escape place. What about a place away from home that I can rest my head and sleep. Where I wake up to peace and quiet. Be of sound mind is what my boyfriend told me. And that just pisses the hell out of me. 

I can’t have everything but I deserve respect at least and I don’t get that. Nobody ever gives me that. I am filled with hurt because my wishes are always ignored by everyone around me. I never meant to cause any pain. Oh you’re so positive Bukunmi! I only dream of my joy. I am not gullible, I just believe in the possibility of sincerity. 

I’ll be okay. 

Soft 

‘what took you so long?, I’ve been here a while’ I asked pacing across the room. ‘I’m sorry I got distracted on my way here’ he replied.’Are you just trying to waste my time or you have something to tell me’ I said. ‘okay, are you sure they’re no cameras up here?’ he said pointing at the ceiling. ‘I don’t know, does it matter?’ I replied. He heaved a sigh ‘you don’t understand, I shouldn’t be telling you this’ he said while looking for cameras in the room. ‘This is where we cut old and worn out fabrics, they call it the abattoir for some reason I doubt we’ll find any’ I was calmer now though still freaked out about what the big secret is but I was going to cut him some slack. ‘okay, I didn’t find any’ he said coming towards my direction. He locked the door behind me 

Soft

My aisle looked really disturbed like someone rearranged it. ‘Nick did that’ Joselyn said to me from the other isle. ‘Who is Nick?’I asked. ‘the new guy, apparently Frank thinks you need more sales and an ad’ she said. ‘yes I do and that is why Im making a wall on paper for my fabrics’. I replied. ‘hmm, tell that to him’. Well that’s not fair, it’s my aisle whatever is changing I should be aware of it. Frank is the sales officer but he barely does anything around here and I have been making sales. Apparently, people love African prints. And by the way who the hell is Nick?. I wanted to look for Frank at the store to confront him but I couldn’t leave the aisle. ‘So you don’t like this?’ a familiar voice said to me. ‘what!’ I turned my head and there he was smiling at me. ‘Hi, nice to meet you I’m Nick’ he said to me. ‘No…you’re not Nick, what the hell’. I felt chills down my spine and goosebumps all over my body. ‘French, again why are you following me!’. ‘Shh, I work here now’ he said. ‘well, you didn’t work here a few days ago’ I replied. ‘yes today’s my first day and I’m sorry for messing up your aisle I just had a different idea and Frank said I could’ he pleaded. ‘Yh,well fuck Frank, who are you’ I stared at him and he was twitching. I have never cursed this much before but something about this guy clearly isn’t right. He looked scared and I was ready to confront him. 

‘I told you I’m Nick’ he whispered as he saw Joselyn eavesdropping. ‘Well you said you were French last night’ I replied.’Can we go someplace more private to talk about this?’ he asked worriedly. I paused for a while still staring at him and said ‘Not now but during our shifts, we just opened. Even though he’s been acting creepily something about him seems innocent